

Words, words words, oh ever so powerful words. They can be used to imprison people (Hitler's speeches against Jews) or liberate them (Churchill's motivational speeches to the English masses). They can also start wars (Crusades started by a Pope, Jihad started by Muslim leaders). The million dollar question is why is it that people keep listening and following these words and/or the leaders that espouse them? When will the "faithful, god-fearing sheep" grow a pair and start thinking for themselves? It's simple, they don't want to think for themselves they'd rather be lead and shown the way. The only problem is these "look over there" leaders are pointing to the wrong ails of their societies. The Muslim clerics blame the western imperialists and their all too liberal society as the problem when it's really lack of jobs, education and poor infrastructure caused by generations of bad government. The Catholic evangelists or mo' haters, like to blame the Gays and\or Abortion as the cause of the problem in America when the real problem is an all too materialistic society that overspends and lives an unsustainable and irresponsible lifestyle that is damaging our environment.

My aunt always liked to say, "when you point a finger to blame someone, you have one pointing at them and three pointing at yourself.". It's ever so true for these religious leaders that are unsurprisingly in bed with the religiously aligned Republican party. The Republican party, pound for pound has more sexual scandals than a crack addicted pimp on Biscayne Boulevard. Don't believe me, there's a whole website devoted to it. These charlatan leaders or snake oil salesmen (pick either) need fear to lead, it is their mother's milk and their followers are very afraid. For one reason or another these followers or "minions" just aren't wired for bravery or the self contained faith to know everything is going to be alright. Like deposed evangelist, Ted Haggard recently said in an Advocate interview "The number 1 way they can raise funds is not to encourage people to be more loving, less greedy or more kind. It's to say there's a secret homosexual agenda to siege America, and fund us so we can battle this agenda to save the family."


One of the most slapstick yet effective commando tactics is the "pie in the face". It the quickest and easiest way to make a statement and humiliate these bullies at the pulpit. Who could ever forget the pie in the face of Anita Bryant for her anti gay crusade in the 70's after succesfully getting a gay adoption ban passed in Florida? Or the more recent pie in the face of an antigay Bishop that claimed pedophile priests should be protected and that gays deserve AIDS? The pie is a messy contraption and really hard to run with to get a good shot at any given podium. I suggest a supersize pink Slushie, a' la Glee. It's a much easier to carry and less menacing looking tool as you casually sashay and slurp your way up to the podium. The pink colored Slushie, a fitting metaphor, since pink has always been one of the most prominent colors used to represent the gay rights movement since Hitler marked homosexuals with pink triangles on their way to the concentration camps. Shakespeare once wrote, "Truth will out" but sometimes truth needs a little nudge to come to the surface, especially when the next generation of our gay brethren are dropping via suicide, gay bashing or as was recently the case for David Kato in Uganda, old fashioned hammer-to-the-head, murder. It looks like outing these human weapons of mass destruction is one of the most powerful and efficient ways to get them to stop lying and dangerously misguiding their flocks. They won't out themselves folks.




