It's A Mad World - Maddening Us Gays

Reading through the paper, passing the countless updates on legal battles going on presently in this country regarding gay rights; "Lingle compares gay marriage to incest", "Gay groups sue governor Lingle of hawaii to overturn her veto to gay marriage ammendment", "Washington DC court upholds gay marriage bill, preventing a majority to ever vote to strip a minority's rights in that state", "Proposition 8 Overturned! Opponents Vow to take Appeal To US Supreme Court", "Montana Tea Party Advocates Hanging of "Fruits"" etc, etc. I get a little down and Google, "cheer me up" and find an article that rates the 10 happiest cities to live in the United States. My mind begins to wander and think happy thoughts...What if we (us gays) could build our own utopian island on par with the man made islands off the coast of Dubai- a modern day mythical Atlantis reborn by and designed by legions of the top minds from our LGBT communities across America. Our ardent opponents fantasy's of shipping us all off to an island would finally be realized. Sure, we already have our gay sanctuary-cities like LA, New York and Miami but like Sergio Arau's "A Day Without a Mexican", America would finally see what a day or several years without a gay is like and what will happen to our society with the complete removal of it's "gays". I know it would totally suck but just stick with me here.

We are no different from the Kurds in Iraq or Muslims in Bosnia-just another minority that would better off be eliminated or altogether made to disappear so that the majority won't have to tolerate or understand us. The idea of a gay Atlantis-utopia would call them on their bluff and while others would call it cowardly, I muse it would be a passive-aggressive, checkmate move. It wouldn't take long for the same factions that opposed us to create a new demonized segment of society and create a new holy war against divorces, illegal immigrants, tangas or mini-skirts. Like removing the US embargo off of Cuba, robbing Fidel of his excuse for his country's miseries. These Ameri-bans would finally be exposed for the fear-mongering fanatics that they are and the masses would finally "get it"-then maybe then we could return from our safe-haven-utopia and finally be left alone to live our lives without having to fight every damn day to defend ourselves and gain equal rights.

Staring at this map of happiness I remember my first day of school where I kicked, screamed and scratched to not go into that classroom. A place where no one knew me and where I felt I was too different-not because I was gay-I didn't have an inkling of that yet but because I was a strange young boy that never spoke- Too focused on figuring out this strange world to speak or relate to anyone...So many questions I obsessed about; Why money had value? Why did my parents run around, working so much and not spend more time with my siblings and I? Why there were killings, rapes and wars? Why were kids at school so competitive and mean to each other? Why did I feel like a lepper?

High school gifted me with an angelic being and my first gal-pal of many that would provide solace and sanctuary for me. It was only fitting that she looked like a younger version of my tender, loving idol; Marilyn Monroe. We were brief lovers and in her arms I found a shoulder to drown my sorrows and finally confess my "gayness". She soon after, released me to take the gay, road-less-traveled. 23 years later, the world is still cruel and cold but a little more tolerant and our people are no longer the free, gay and happy people that created the epitome of good times from the 70's and 80's. Our world renowned wit, dampened and drowned out by our cries for equality, finally getting fed up enough to quit partying and start demanding respect.

We are in wartime, no time for being light and caddy, we are a weary, beleaguered masses yearning to breathe free. A shadow has been cast by our tireless political opponents obsessed with lying about our love, cheating and manipulating laws to have their religious war won, eroding the fabric of America's Constitution along the way. The shadow is cast over almost every gay community worldwide by a religious cloak from almost every religion hiding the hatred and homophobia behind their regurgitated and selectively manipulated doctrine. We, as a people have lost a part of ourselves along the way, lost in our own rainbow. Our cause is just and as important as the recession everyone is stuck wallowing in. This battle affects millions of lives of good and Gay American citizens. We are a large portion of society fighting and counting the days until we can feel free, light and good again- to finally feel fully equal and accepted. It's a mad world- maddening to one of the last portions of society to be included in one of humanity's final exams, truly testing the tolerance of it's inherent differences. Our rights were supposed to have already been afforded to us by the Constitution with a clear separation of church and state. We shouldn't have to fight this battle but nonetheless, here we are mired in it. Although it took us a while to get pissed off enough to get organized, we are now witnessing one of the biggest battles of our times, where hundreds of millions of dollars are spent on either side of the political battlefield.


I imagine a day when we are finally done with this mess and all those millions can be redirected towards helping to change the really damning problems of our world like lack of water, overpopulation, incurable diseases, etc. I imagine a time where I could reunite with my brothers and sisters on a dance floor, where the music is uplifting and good again. Where I don't leave feeling depressed from a gay club, sensing the sadness oozing off these reality escapees of a harsh world -dancing to forget. I await on a metaphorical cliff looking out to a new horizon where this civil rights war is behind us and we can finally regain our joyful outlook and wit that we were so famous for. I can't wait for my younger gay brethren to feel as loved and accepted as they were on their birthday as every child should feel. For LGBT suicides, gay bashings and death penalties for gays to be relegated to the dark pages of our history books for good....to serve as a reminder that this time that mentality should never be repeated. I await and dream of the day we win this battle for equality and justice. To be able to sing happy birthday to "us" and this mad world will become a bit more of a glad one.

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes 'Awww!" — Jack Kerouac (On the Road)

One day we will be able to look in the mirror and feel beautifully whole and comfortable in our own skins with a contented smile instead of expressionless, poker faces and smiling will be cool again. I pray that after we do that the hatred doesn't shift to illegal immigrants in this country as it already seems to be happening.

This whole gay thing isnt about gay or straight -it's about loving each other-for real this time- no matter what- to end this hatred amongst ourselves and knock the cycle of hatred, division and intolerance out of this Earth grid for good. Or at least until a new challenge like acceptance of beings from other planets comes inevitably along our evolutionary path. That moment of contact will never happen until we can get over our differences here at home. Would you want to visit such unfriendly territory if you were light years ahead of Earth?

"There is a template of pain and suffering on this planet that the earth is tired of and we need to move through it to progress. Love light and happiness begins with you. " Guru Ganesha



Gay director John Waters muses on the current state of the gay community. Click here

Russian billionaire calls for the extermination of all gays and lesbians on Moscow public radio.

*Photos above by Jeff Kilmer from his recent book "23%".

This Gay Rights Tango- Our Dance Towards Full Equality

On December 28th, 2009 Evita Peron's smile beamed down on her country from her Presidential Palace in the heavens above. Always an ardent fighter for the repressed and poor, Latin America's first gay marriage would've brought tears of joy to this goddess of Argentina's history. Evita has said "A decent woman is one who rides roughshod over machos."

This national icon and eternal fag-hag would be proud knowing that in her country, the "gay's" had finally overcome the bully that is the powerful Roman Catholic Church to finally witness the marriage of Latin America's first gay couple. Latin America, like the Middle East has a strong male dominant society where tolerance of sexual diversity is non-existent and violence against gays is a common occurrence. This marriage highlights the cracks in the system that has kept gay communities silent and fearful and that it is indeed crumbling.

A little less free but a lot more gay and happy

This whole marriage thing is a hallmark that we finally have the self-esteem to believe that another man is worth loving for the rest of your life. That we ourselves are good enough to marry another and have a chance at something as sparkling clean as a true love that may last a lifetime. It is a coming of age for a generation of gay men, forging a free and truly gay life for future generations of our gay brethren. In the words of Latin America's first groom, "Because "our" family is worth it.".

Worldwide, the advances have been peppered with setbacks in a strange 1-2 step tango. 3 steps forward, 2 steps back, 1 step sideways, cha cha cha.

Back to America, I wait for my partner of a year and a half to return from our local grocery store to fetch Almond milk when suddenly my 8 year old nephew blurts out, "Tio, I dont want you to be gay anymore!". A pregnant moment of silence later, I whip my head to the back seat and see my nephew avoiding my gaze, visibly upset and looking out the window. This is a boy that has been an integral part of my life for 8 years, and the son of a single mom whom is my sister. He has always accepted me and my life and my partner as normally as anyone would of a normal heterosexual couple. He has simply never known hate and is as pure as the day he was born, which is partly why he can make friends with anyone of any age, color or social class within seconds of meeting them. It is one of his greatest qualities and he's as magnaminous as Obama in that respect. At a loss for words, I ask him, "Why would you say that to me? Who did you talk to about this?". He replied back still looking out the window, "These boys at school said that gays shouldn't be in this country and need to go away.". Black and white images of civil rights protests where policemen spray down black protesters in the middle of the street came to mind. I was being talked about the way the racists in the 60's talked about blacks. They wished they would just all go away. The irony of the account was blaringly obvious. I replied to him "Well, honey you know that is what you call "hate"and when your grandma came to this country from Cuba there were signs posted on buildings saying "No Cubans". It was very hard for her to get a job or to find a place to live because the people in Miami didn't want Cubans in this country either. Since your father is a black man living in Venezuela, he also has to deal with people hating him because of his color. I can't stop being gay any more than your grandmother can stop being Latino or your father being black. The next time you hear those boys saying things like that you stand up to them and tell them that's not right and tell your teacher.". My nephew finally turned away from the window and looks at me with doeful and watery eyes, "Ok Tio, I love you.". I reply, "I love you too."

I recount this incident because there is no greater hypocrisy than when a group that has survived marginalization to go and downplay another marginalized group's struggle. They should be the first one's running to the plate to help fight the battle. When Black religious leaders stand at their podiums and preach that their civil rights movement has nothing in common with ours or that we are "pimping their movement", I call "bullshit" because it IS the same. The same hatred, the same narrow mindedness, the same ignorance, the same rhetoric and the same limitations and dangers to my life. So much so, that the team fighting to overturn Proposition 8 as I write this blog has used the example that our President Obama would never have been born if the laws prohibiting blacks from marrying whites were never overturned in this country.

We are witnessing one of the most crucial battles in American history that may not go in our favor due to an overly conservative Supreme Court but we will keep fighting because it is our right to do so and the limits to our rights are constitutionally wrong.

The growing worldwide tide for our cause may be the only thing to finally wrestle the medieval chokehold the religious right has on this country and it's politics and push our courts to finally overturn this legislated discrimination.

As we look forward to (2010) twenty-ten (doesn't that sound positive?), we see a world wrangling together to help a devastated Haitian country with thousands dead and we are pushed to begin a year with a thoughtful focus on humanity and unity. Hopefully this focus will carry on throughout the year and years to come as we will eventually break through and gain our full equality in this great country where anything is possible. Maybe then we can stop doing this Gay Rights back and forth Tango and finally waltz our asses to our nearest city hall and finally get married.

Gay right's milestones 2009

*Mexico City is first Latin American city to legalize full, gay marriage.
*Uganda plans a bill that would serve a death penalty to homosexuals in that country.
*Obama promises to end Dont Ask Dont Tell to a crowd of gay activists at a fundraiser.
*Argentina passes full gay marriage rights.
*An Argentinian judge puts a hold on Argentina's first gay marriage in order to "review" the ruling then approves after their home province backs the marriage.
*Washington D.C. passes gay marriage.
*New York votes defeats gay marriage bill.
*Portugal passes full gay marriage rights with adoption rights granted by April 2010.
*Voters in Maine vote against gay marriage rejecting the measure.
*The biggest city in America, Houston, Texas elects the first openly gay mayor of any U.S. city.
*California's Supreme Court upholds the discriminatory Proposition 8.
*Sweden approves same sex marriage.
*Iowa and Vermont sign legislation to allow gay marriage.
*Obama signs into law the Matthew Shepard hate crimes act and extends federal benefits to partners of same sex couples.


Milestones to look forward to for 2010

*Hawaii will review legislature to revive civil unions for gays in that state.
*Senator Carl Levin will schedule a hearing to discuss ending the military's Don't Ask Don't Tell policy.
*The Supreme Court will vote on whether or not Proposition 8 should be overturned.

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Time magazine's gay right's timeline:
http://www.time.com/time/interactive/0,31813,1904681,00.html

To get up to date info on the Supreme Court trial go to:
http://www.couragecampaign.org/GetTheTruthOut

Hawaii will vote for Gay Civil Unions this year:
http://www.gayvantage.com/gay-news/hawaii-legislators-to-vote-on-civil-unions-3748291780/

Repeal of the military's Don't Ask Don't Tell to be debated on Capitol Hill 2010:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/14/gay-military-ban-military_n_422893.html

The United States elects it's first openly gay mayor:
http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1947648,00.html

The debbie-downer-Pope at it again-calling gay marriage an "attack"
http://advocate.com/News/Daily_News/2010/01/11/Pope_Calls_Gay_Marriage_an_Attack/

Latin America weds it's first gay couple:
http://news.yahoo.com/video/world-15749633/argentina-hosts-first-gay-marriage-in-latin-america-17352907

A mother's gay-straight alliance with her son

Today, more than ever I am proud to be the son of a mother who has joined me as a dedicated soldier in my fight for equality. Today, my mother; Doctora Isabel Gomez-Bassols http://doctoraisabel.net/ asked me to speak on her national radio talk show on Univision radio to debate our points of view regarding whether or not celebrities should come out of the closet to aid in the gay civil rights battle in this country. After reading my blog about the topic I had explained to her that it is a social war and the most dangerous gays are the ones that are in the closet and that are so self-hating that they'll do anything in their power to undermine our struggle just to free themselves from being discovered as being gay themselves. The Catholic church is chock-full of self-hating gays preaching for others to not accept us. The government also has it's shar of self-hating, closeted gays (Senator Larry Craig, Mark Foley) pushing for laws denying any rights to my people. The same way whites in the north stood up to the false notions of racists in this country that discrimination because of color was unjust, my mother has utilized the platform of her show to help me in being vocal for gays in this country to finally win and end their struggle for full civil rights. One day, we will look back and laugh at all this bickering and manipulation by religious establishments. One day hopefully, religious institutions will be a thing of the past too. I envision a world without separate and divisive religious organizations, a world with one, unified belief system, without religious doctrine based on fear. All religions believe in god so why can't we just boil it down to one belief system that holds love amongst men unconditionally to be the highest form of spirituality? After all, isn't that the purpose of spirituality, to spread God, Mohammed's, Allah, whomever's message of love to all?

I guess being a son of such a powerful and intelligent woman rubs off on you in some way. I guess that's where I get the conviction to live out and proud and speak on her national radio show to defend the rights of gays in this country. She did a perfect job of raising me and for this I thank her and pay homage to her in this blog.

When I decided to tell my mother my most tragic and sad secret, it was motivated from my trying to live a more honest, truthful life. In the same way I felt it was disrespectful to be with a woman sexually and fantasize about being with a man, it was disrespectful and hurtful to have her believe the lie that I was straight, regardless of whether that lie was supported by her self-inflicted illusions or my actions to hide it. Her being a mom first and psychologist second trumped her education and her initial reaction was that it was a result of not having enough interaction or affection from my father. It was more a knee-jerk reaction to my announcement than an actual belief. In the end, she knew better.

When my farm raised, Cuban father found out, it hit him so hard that all he could do was ask himself where he went wrong. He was so focused on what he did wrong to cause this to happen to his secretly favorite son. The son that he thought would bring pride to his name, succeed where he went wrong and completely eat that piece of American Pie he came to this country for. I'll never forget how my sister told me of the night he broke down and fell to the floor crying after getting out of his truck on his way home from work. He kept rambling and crying uncontrollably, asking her "Where did I go wrong?, What did I do to make him this way? That night in a reversal of roles, she cried with our father and held him as if he was her son. He was a man that never cried not even at his father's own funeral. It wasn't his fault, nor my mother's. He did nothing to cause what I was and am today. I can confidently confess with every cell in my physical being and every bit of my soul that I was simply born that way. It is not a curable disease, it is simply another color in the human rainbow, another way to love. Not the destruction of humanity but rather a challenge to humanity for compassion and understanding among men, across cultural and national borders. Homosexuality has always and will always exist just as heterosexuality has in every country in the world. We will not go away or disappear into invisibility. We are humans, Americans, leaders, sons, daughters, citizens of this world with our only wish being to be left alone to live out our lives and learn our karmic lessons in this life along with the rest of the beings on this blue marble we call Earth. If you are a fellow warrior, now is the time to be vocal, to not be afraid to stand up in church, at dinner tables, parties, wherever hatred is espoused against fellow humans whom happen to be homosexual. It is time to call people out on their hatred wrapped in religious justifications. The year is 2009, it is time for us to get over this to move on to bigger and greater things like saving this Earth before we completely extinguish ourselves. That, my friends is the real threat to humanity. If my mother were Pope, that is what she would preach. Why is it again that women can't be pope?

Pope accused of stoking homophobia after he equates homosexuality to climate change:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/faith/article5387858.ece

Listen to the recording of my mother's show where we debate over closeted celebrities (in Spanish) 1/9/09 http://www.miunicast.com/Public/Media/DraIsabel-2009.01.09.mp3