Tuesday, March 17, 2009

IBoyfriend -Version 7.0

It seems that every aspect of our lives change so quickly that it's as if we're running a race gasping to keep up. We run out to buy the new IPhone with the fastest 3G internet browsing, the new Hybrid car we must now buy to save money on gas, the latest- N wireless internet adapter to get the fastest internet available on our home computers, solar panels for our homes to save on electricity. All these new technologies we must acquire to remain competitive. It makes you wonder what happens with the all the old technology when it becomes "end of life" or too inefficient for use? Well, it's basically thrown away or it usually ends up in a 3rd world country somewhere. This "throw-away" mentality permeates inevitably into our love relationships. We’ve become such a disposable society that every one dumps their partners the minute it sours instead of sticking it through like the good old days. Every 6 months or so, when things get slow, we upgrade to newer, slicker, hotter versions: Iboyfriend (you fill in the version). In the gay communities, there are environmentally friendly disposable societies where the men and women are recycled into new relationships just as fast as they are disposed of.

Your relationship history is your resume' for the next guy\gal. If you’re single too long then something dark and sinister is hiding. If you're seeing someone while you're separated, you must be a cheater. The best resume' is one of a candidate out of a relationship for at least 6 months but no more than one year. Any time sooner will make the new prospect categorize you as a "short term hire" or a "rebound fling". If you’re too hot for a semi-hot position you are over qualified. If you are too flabby for a ripped partner position, you are disqualified from the position. Top, Bottom, Fem, Butch, Twink, Athletic enthusiast, Daddy, Cub Chaser, Chub Chaser, Leather Daddy, Nudist; with so many pre-requisites, it's a miracle we humans ever hook up at all. Finding love has become as difficult as finding a unicorn with blonde hair.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in divorce and am a well-adjusted product of divorced parents. Thankfully, my mom was able to liberate herself from that unhappy marriage. Being a latina, it took her a while longer than an anglo but she did it. In the good old days, you were stuck with what you got and if you divorced, you carried a scarlet letter of shame with you for the rest of your days. The silver lining was that you worked hard to make it work. Nowadays, who has the time?
On the flip side of this pancake, some still try to make their relationships work; however difficult it may be in today's fun-filled, quick-to-bore-world. I've been mocked by my friends at being a serial monogamist as if it was a bad thing. I prefer to be in long term relationships rather than endless strings of non-committal sex with strangers. I believe each meaningful relationship you experience is an opportunity for self-growth, if you allow it. It's all about the mirror. So where is the self-growth in this new disposable society? Maybe we can download the latest Deepak Chopra audio book to our Iphones and evolve while on our treadmills at the gym before we meet friends for a drink. Technology will help us more on our love quests after the stigma dissipates completely and people cozy up to the idea of it being a tool to find everything, including love. Finding love online will be as commonplace as buying a book on Amazon.com.

Another difficulty in finding love that lasts is when you live in a major city like Miami, there's just too much selection. I call it my "cereal theory". You know when you're standing dumbstruck at the supermarket's cereal aisle, not knowing which one of the delicious and colorful choices to pick because there are so damn many? Well the same goes with Miami, there is too much selection of quality, grade A meat here, at least on the outside. Miami has the highest volume of physically attractive humans per square foot than any other city in the world. While that doesn't guarantee you get quality relationship material, it does make monogamy difficult. People in Wichita, Kansas don't have this problem. When they find someone to love they hold on to them tooth and nail. There isn't much of a pool in those places.

I've been lucky enough to have several long term relationships with 3 years being my all time Guiness world record. I hope to one day break that record and maybe even god forbid, hit a decade mark. My present version boyfriend (best version ever) gave me an ever so endearing Valentine's Day card that-gasp-had the "F" word (forever) on it. No other boyfriend has ever had the courage to use that idealistic of a word on a card written to me and at first it threw me for a loop. It was a foreign concept for me. After taking it in, I said why not accept his challenge and be the eternally optimistic Charlotte from Sex and the City? Where are the dreamers that believe in a love that lasts forever? Maybe I have found my blonde unicorn? Who knows what will happen tomorrow. In the meantime, I believe in this love-today.

He might turn out to be another Flavor Flav of a guy but for now I'm not ready to give up on my belief that the "F" word is possible and I just might be idealistic and queer enough to get married on some mountaintop temple in Bali.

Maybe the big lesson we all learn is how to truly love ourselves.
Maybe I'll end up with true love for a global cause that I believe in.
I'll let you know in a couple of years.
Inspirational love story of how two people used technology to bring them together while being continents apart: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29164894/

Theories on exponential increase of rate of change: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Accelerating_change

Video on exponential changes:


Crazygirl said...

Eric...what a post....I have no words...I'm in the middle of a crisis...I've been asking myself the same question...does "love forever" exist? No idea...I don't know how my grandparents did it..and they really loved each other...Maybe I chose the wrong person......I don't know...
Besos, Papalongo!!

grettel j. singer said...

wow, you, nick, the f word... aha!
crazy stuff.

bello mi amor... creo que sí se puede. tú sabes que estoy enganchada con mi unicornio for ever and ever.
besos, te quiero.

p.d. ve a visitar a la crazy que nunca pasas por allí.

EricInMiami said...

I love your comments girls!...Crazy girl i think it's possible it's just very very very rare, and for a lot of people it isn't necessary for their evolution just like some women don't need to have children to be happy. Now grettel como te conzoco -somos iguales - we need someone by our sides to be the best we can be -you are one of the lucky very very very few to have found a love that does last- you are my ideal relationship that i one day hope to be able to enjoy to that level. besitos a las dos!

Crazygirl said...

Grettel...te convertiste en mi modelo de vida tambien... :o) Por ti creo q si es posible....

Eric, I also need someone by my side...a man who loves me, me de el cari~o q necesito...Love is not enough...that's my problem now...he loves me, but he does not pay enough attention...no me da cari~os...he does not give me what I need......AHHHH....it's so freaking complicated!!!
Get better and continue writing!!!

EricInMiami said...

That sucks, i've been in that situation. I'll tell you a secret i learned when men get like that, you have to say inside yourself "fuck that guy" and act like he doesn't exist anymore in your life. Live you life as if he doesn't matter and if he comes around act pleasantly surprised but don't expect anything. it's hard but it's the only way to wake up their attraction for you. It turns on the hunter and them and their attraction to hunt you down all over again. For it to work you have to be 110% nonchalant like they really dont matter that much to you anymore. try it and let me know if it works! ;-)

Crazygirl said...

I LOVE YOUR NEW TEMPLATE!!! It goes more with your personality..
I'll try....but is harder when you're married to him.....

grettel j. singer said...

mi amor, me gusta el template, pero es un poco confuso para leer.
very lindo


Great posting. Very spirited and passionate. At first, I wasn't sure where you were going with all this but then I got it. But we have slightly different views on dating. (I tend to be the best person I can be when I'm single, you know, "the loner cold fish"! LOL) I like your new template. How did you do it?

Technically challenged